The obnoxiousness in their laughter ricocheted through the walls and assaulted my eardrums. I couldn’t stand it. Stories I'd heard told so often that I knew them backwards and not even the maximum volume of my headphones could stop them from replaying in my head. The tone of her voice was constantly filled with judgment and accusation and it lived inside my head.

It still does. That voice was the reason I turned mine off. I let mine float into nonexistence, along with the fads about fairies and the afterlife. She made the pinkness in my cheeks burn red and the mascara stain my eyes. I tried to swallow my tears but I always ended up choking on them. She had the power to make me question everything about myself even if it was right. She had a whole different set of morals that contradicted the orthodox ones everyone followed, but this didn’t make her different it made her ruthless and critical. She demanded respect like a God and punished you with fear and hatred of only yourself. Her strikes stained not only your skin but also your blood, so that even if you healed you’d never be able to forget. She made it hard to be good. Too much power was held in her possession. A person should never have so much power that the only thing you can refer them to is she. They should never have as much power to make you rebel against yourself and everything you hold true. And certainly not so much power that you run away in order to pick up the shattered pieces and solve the puzzle to find out whom you are. My left and right brain, possessed by her words, fight against each other for dominance. Questions fill up my head by the gallon and I feel like I drown a bit more by each one because the answers dance around along with the air. I crave and need both.

So I made arrangements to drift off into a ghost town where no one knew my name. I disconnected all my accounts from my family name and transferred all my trust fund money into my own account. I bought an apartment and paid all of the first 6 months of rent. My first night in my apartment I made a pack with myself to live; something I’ve never done before. I made a list of things to do and did one of them everyday. I’ve been here for two months and I’ve only done two things off the list: try sushi for the first time (I know pretty lame) and sleep with a random stranger, which I did last night. I was walking home late at night from working my usual hours at the Ivory. The place was usually pretty slow so our manager allows us a few drinks while we work and I indulge in this in a state of boredom. We closed up and I was heading home, but instead of simply walking across the street I turned right and walked down to the park drunk as can be. Then I woke up in the stranger’s bed and I certainly felt like I had lived even with my annoying hangover.

Today

8:43pm I finished up the last of my take out and took one last swig of still water. I threw on some dark washed jeans and a black chiffon top that flowed along with the shape of my body. I filled in my eyebrows and added some tinted Chap Stick, shining light on my best features. I didn’t do much to myself before work, as middle-aged men were the regulars at the Ivory.

9:03pm I walked out into the street only to bump into a girl who had an eerie vibe to her. It was an extraordinary eerie, like she possessed her own magic; her own life. I crossed the street and was familiar with the lack of surprise I felt with the customers sipping slowly at their drinks.

12:57pm I left work and decided to walk to the park instead of going straight home. Maybe I was hopeful or just curious. I walked down the street casually, listening to the click clack of my heels. I tapped my fingers on my thighs in a continuous rhythm, alternating from index to middle finger and licked my lips helplessly. I took notice of the moon. Its usual milky cream tone was changed into a deep blood red. It looked as if a massacre had occurred upon that very moon. It looked sinister, like it was daring you to do something unexpected that would throw you off your usually course of life. 

Luckily for me, I didn’t have any other constant regimen expect for work. I imagined what it would be like to play truth or dare with the moon, I wondered who would win. Although the moon wasn’t really a moon was it was a Lunar Eclipse and anything could happen underneath the grimacing grin of a Lunar Eclipse. The possibilities tempted my mind.

1:03am I reached the park and was disappointed to find it empty, but my expectations lifted when I saw a silhouette of a man and what appeared to be a telescope. I did away with the hope of sneaking up on him, as my heels were obnoxiously loud. I walked closer and stopped a few feet away. His head lifted up from the telescope signaling that he was aware of my presence. My expectations jolted through the skies and my hopes of meeting my taboo stranger were alive. All he needed to do was turn around. One 90 degree head rotation could open opportunities that would hopefully lead to answering my lost questions. I denied myself the pleasure of connecting with the stranger before but I wasn’t as close as I was now. I prayed to imaginary saints for him to turn around. My head whispered Come on.

He turned with this: “Hey sis.”

My lips hung apart from each other in disbelief, leaving space for my disappointed breath to exit.

He stood there with my nose and hazel eyes that were more brown than green in the night, but would later seem mostly green in the day. He shared my curly haired texture of light brown and bronzed olive skin that was just shy of radiance in the blood red moonlight. Pink lips that looked like they’d been bitten and instead of my petite, hourglass figure he stood proud in his tall, lanky stance.

I simply replied back with, “Liam.”

//2